Do you ever get jealous of a butterfly?
Butterfly, post cocoon.
Embracing Transformation.
How does it just know what it needs to do? “Ima eat all these leaves, make an encasement around myself, turn to goo, and BOOM butterfly. Life complete”
Like... What?
Some people have that direction. They know from the beginning exactly what they want to do in their life.
Not me.
I wanted to be a vet (allergic to animals), a singer (don’t like large crowds), a math teacher (calculus kicked my butt), an interior designer (a bit pretentious but I’ll help you pick colors ALLLLL day). Ended up in accounting collections which I was good at (spreadsheets and nagging people? easy peasy) but it didn’t spark my creative energy.
The only thing I was ever sure of that I wanted was to be a homemaker. Career day at school? I wanted to stay home with my mom. Haha. Then my husband and I moved. I lost my job. The move downgraded our standard of living substantially and I just felt stuck. Broken. Depressed. Not good enough. A failure. Everything that society says makes you “successful” I lost. Before our move I had my own car, a career, good friends, a three-bedroom townhome. Since then I have maybe three friends who still keep in touch, no car, no career, and a small one bedroom condo that is missing many basic amenities that I took for granted before.
What now?
I have had so much time for introspection. What’s wrong with me? What’s next? What do I want to do? What CAN I do?
Everything happens for a reason.
This move was my cocoon forming. To have the protection of time around me to be able to fully dissolve into goo. A messy gob of goo. Freaking out about what’s next, what I’m supposed to do, and breaking down all of my beliefs of society’s “standards” to open the gate to the pathway for MY life. Society doesn’t live your life. YOU do. Don’t let it’s “standards” dictate what you do.
I’m still not sure what’s next, but I have an idea. And I’m going to run with it and hope I don’t fall on my face.
I appreciate your support and am so thankful to have you here!
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